I’ve been totally absorbed with Tiger King on Netflix. It’s a documentary about wild animal keepers in America. The programme blurb says, “Murder, Mayhem and Madness”. Every episode manages to out do the previous for jaw-dropping incompetence, hatred and drama.
If someone had written it as fiction, no TV company would have touched it on the grounds that it was too unbelievable.
I wouldn’t have known about it without hearing the two cats from next door chatting about about it.
D**** and M****, often sit under the spirea chatting about stuff in general, exchanging ideas and passing comment on my work.
D: I hope he’s not thinking of planting more of those white things.
D: They make me sneeze.
M: And what on earth is he wearing today? He looks like something out of Peaky Blinders.
M**** is the oldest and wisest of the cats. She can often be heard offering advice about cat life.
M: You know, they clean up your mess even if you don’t go to the trouble of burying it.
Anyway, I was doing a bit of weeding when I heard them talking about Tiger King.
M: It ripped off a woman’s arm!
D: Shut up! Can we rip off this blokes arm?
M: When we are a bit bigger of course we can.
I always though that when cats did the narrow half closed eyes thing, they were telling you that they were comfortable with you and were of no threat. Wrong. It actually means that they are carefully calculating the best trajectory for a leap and maul.
D: Have you seen the bird table at number 47? It’s right by the fence.
M: Beware the hose pipe. I’ve fallen for that trap. You think you have a perfect line for the blackbird and suddenly whoosh! You are drenched from head to tail and you have to hope none of the other local cats see you on the way home. It took me hours to get my coat anywhere near decent.
Sometimes I’m sure they know I’m listening.
M: So the old cat over the way there was telling me how a previous owner of this house buried a load of treasure here.
D: Really? Where about?
M: You see where he’s planted all those potatoes…
I’m getting my own back on them. I’m building a dog kennel right in the middle of the lawn. Absolutely no intention of getting a dog.
Keep your fur clean and stay safe.